Yet my sons are both very intelligent boys and they love to
read and learn. Their social skills are
lacking in some areas, but both can be pretty outgoing and friendly. Life for
them is black and white, right or wrong, there is no middle ground.
Mikey has no filter. One
morning, at the school entrance, a special needs boy was upset and
flung himself on the ground in front of us, kicking and screaming. Mikey marched right up to him and scolded, “You’re
not supposed to be on the ground. Get
UP!” Recently, we replaced our deck
and the contractor was puffing on a
cigarette. Mikey looked at him and said,
“That stinks. Smoking is bad for you.” One of my many fears is that he’s going to
say the wrong thing to the wrong person and get a beating.
David, Jr. is extremely
sensitive and kind. Every year, after
the first week of school is under his
belt, his teachers come up to me and tell me that he is their favorite. He gives new meaning to the words ‘teacher’s
pet’. Last year, one of his third grade
teachers told me that she always asked him to help other classmates if they were
struggling with an assignment. She said
David had a way of helping his friends without making them feel stupid.
However, basic manners like saying thank you and please, and
looking someone in the eye when speaking can be a challenge. When greeted, both David and Mikey sometimes
walk on by as if no one even spoke to them at all. These are times I feel compelled to explain
that my sons aren’t really rude, my sons are autistic.
Preschool was extremely stressful for both me and my
husband. It would take the two of us a
couple hours every morning to get them
ready for school. Mikey would scream
bloody murder when I brought him into his classroom and I could hear his sobs
as I forced myself to leave the school.
When I picked them up after school, Mikey would press the elevator
button. If he didn’t, I could count on a
minimum of a two hour kicking and screaming tantrum. He would freak out if I didn’t take the exact
same route home. If the cable happened
to go out or there was a test of the Emergency Broadcast System when he was watching TV, the entire
night would be ruined.
Happily I can report that with skillful and patient teachers
and a lot of consistent reinforcement both at school and at home, Mikey has
come a long way in dealing with one of his greatest obstacles; breaks to the
routine. We are now working on fine
tuning some of his social skills. But
still, when others are present to witness a lapse in good behavior or a full
blown outburst, I feel obliged tell them, "my son is autistic."
When meeting new people, Mikey has a tendency to either not
speak and not make eye contact. When he meets a younger child, he sometimes becomes overly
friendly and at times overbearing. He
recently met a little girl at a birthday party and was trying to play with her
by following her around and teasing her.
Well, she thought he was
teasing, but it was just his way of trying to engage her in play. He had no idea that his behavior was
inappropriate and that she didn’t like it.
And I again I had to explain to the girl’s mother that he doesn’t mean to
make her daughter uncomfortable, it is his way of showing he likes her, he is autistic.
When we are out and there is a lot of sensory stimulation,
ultimately one or both with start some form of stimming, usually in the form of
hand flapping and again, it is imperative that I clarify the fact that my sons
are autistic.
But even as this phrase flows effortlessly out, I can hear the words that Josh (Fabulous
Beekman Boys) emphatically stated to me last fall as we were following him into the Beekman
Mansion in upstate NY. “Different is
good”.
And as my sons continue progress and grow, I am finally beginning to think Josh may be
right.
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