I feel like I should be the female lead character in a Hallmark Christmas movie. I've lost my Christmas spirit. Normally I ooze Christmas. I wear ugly Christmas sweaters, Christmas pajamas and Christmas ornament earrings. I love the Christmas season. We decorate both the inside and outside of the house. I give to local food banks and even adopt families during the holiday season who can't afford Christmas for their children. We are not materialistic here at Christmastime. There are not an overabundance of packages spilling out from under the Christmas tree. It has always been more about family and friends and helping others during the holiday.
This year is different. It's not one specific thing that's off. There are many reasons I can put my finger on for feeling the way I feel. It has been like this for months now. As I sit here typing, I am the first one to admit that I have absolutely NO reason to complain in any way, shape or form. I know this. But that knowledge doesn't help alleviate my foul mood.
Today I will be attending a wake for my friend's brother who died this past Sunday. Another close friend will be accompanying her sister to a doctor's appointment to learn how successful her cancer treatments have been. If her sister receives good news, she gets to have chemo immediately following the appointment. Bad news would involve more extensive radiation and chemo. And I'm sorry, that just sucks. I had been under the impression that she was to get a break from the months of treatments for at least the holidays. Last night I learned that's not the case. Cancer sucks.
We've had miserable colds and it's been raining all week which has put a damper on my mood. It doesn't feel like Christmas. I've been going through the motions. The house and yard is decorated. I did a little online shopping, but not much. There hasn't been many get-togethers this month due to the colds, a couple of friends who are lucky enough to be on vacation, and just the hustle and bustle of the season.
The decorations are done, donations will be made, the shopping will be finished and the presents will be wrapped. But I've lost the joy I usually have during this season. And I wonder, how will my Hallmark movie end? It's Christmas time, a time for miracles, right?
