M is for Measles

On Day 13 of the A - Z Challenge, M is for Measles

There has been a measles outbreak which has some states trying to force parents to vaccinate their children.  The MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) vaccine has been a point of contention for some parents who believe their children's autism was caused by this vaccine as well as for the parents that refuse to vaccinate because they are afraid it will cause autism in their healthy children.  The CDC claims the vaccine is safe and does not cause autism.   

Before my sons were old enough for the MMR vaccine, I started asking questions and doing research.  We were aware of the vaccine controversy and wanted to make an informed decision.  What I learned was that the MMR was composed of live virus.  The theory of those who believe the MMR vaccine causes autism is that there is too much live virus in that one shot.  Several doctors believe this can cause encephalitis (inflammation) in the brain of some children causing autism.  I mentioned my dilemma with one of my doctors in a casual conversation and she gave me the name of a highly respected Brown University medical doctor who was researching this very issue.  

I spoke with this esteemed doctor by telephone and while he believes the MMR caused his own grandson's autism, he also believes children should be vaccinated.   His recommendation: splitting up the shots.  Prior to 1971, these vaccines were given separately.  I obtained prescriptions from my pediatrician and ordered the vaccines separately.  They were given 6 months apart.  We had no severe reactions and I am confident that this was the best decision for us.

L is for Learning

On Day 12 of the A - Z Challenge, L is for Learning

We've been fortunate that both David and Michael enjoy learning.  Michael has had challenges which is why we've had a tutor working with him since he was four.  We had an hour a week of speech therapy with Lisa, and when he had issues with holding a pencil and not being able to write, Lisa recommended Carol, who was a resource teacher in the district.  

Lisa's family obligations caused her to leave us after a couple of years.  Carol took on two days and has been instrumental in getting Michael to where he is today.  I don't know what we would have done without her.  A few years ago, Carol and I agreed he only needed the one hour, not two.  However at the same time, David had been expressing his displeasure on how there was no history being taught at school.  I approached Carol about using that second day to teach history, not really sure if she would even want to.  We were thrilled when she was excited about it.  She said she had gone to school for history but took the resource job when it was available.  

She has been teaching them history, once a week for the past several years.  They go in great depth probably along the lines of a college course. 

I remember history class in school.  We never made it past World War I by the end of the year.  The boys are learning about Bosnia now.  And as Carol had relatives in WWII, she even brought in several items including American uniforms for the boys to see, (and try on).

Carol also helped Michael get his fifth grade Ben Franklin project together including the costume.

Finally, in grade 7, History is in the middle school curriculum.  David could teach it! 

K is for Knowledge

On Day 11 of the A-Z Challenge, K is for Knowledge.

My son David is always seeking knowledge about something.  He may watch a TV show that mentions the Beatles, or Beach Boys or Queen, and then proceeds to Google and learn most everything about the subject.  He googles baseball players, new and old, actors, movies, presidents, history, etc., etc., etc... I think you may get the point.

We visited caves in upstate New York and our guide was talking about stalagmites and stalactites. He asked if anyone knew the difference.  David, who was about 9 at the time threw his hand up and explained.  We were on a duck boat tour in Albany. There were mostly retired, older people on this tour and one other family with children.  As we were touring the city, the guide asked for the 4 names of the presidents that came from New York.  Not only did David answer, when the guide asked if he knew all the presidents, he listed them all in order.  We visited many historical sites in Vermont and my husband always strikes up conversations with the workers or volunteers at the site.  David  always join in the discussion.  He amazes people with the information he retains.

Michael retains his share of knowledge but not like David.  Michael will do his school work, likes to read, but still likes to play his Angry Birds and Super Mario Brothers games on his iPad or Wii.  David does his work, but his free time isn't spent playing video games.  He'll be either googling his subject du jour or he'll be reading the complete works of William Shakespeare, or Hemingway or something along those lines.  

They say knowledge is power.  If that's the case, I would expect David to be quite powerful some day!

J is for Jet-Setters

On Day 10 of the A-Z Challenge, J is for Jet-Setters

My sons will pick up and go at the drop of a hat.  Amazing when you think of it, especially in Michael's case where he is routine driven and can get extremely distressed when his routine is broken.  


Our first family vacation was a week in Vermont.  A friend of my husband had a time share at Smugglers' Notch in Jeffersonville, Vermont.  While he loved it while his kids were small, they were all grown and he didn't use it.  He offered to rent his week to my husband.  I was concerned that once we got there, Michael would flip out being in a totally unfamiliar environment.  David was almost 7 and Michael was only 5 1/2.  We rented a minivan, I packed two huge coolers with food, clothes for the week and off we went.  My husband was totally prepared to leave the condo immediately if we had to. 

I shouldn't have been concerned.  David and Michael loved being away and we were out every day having a blast.  We explored covered bridges, took a boat tour on Lake Champlain, visited a small museum in Montpelier, and spent a day in Montreal. 

At Lake Champlain before the boat tour.

On a horse and buggy tour of Montreal.

We haven't flown anywhere with the kids yet, but we've taken long weekends to New York City, upstate New York, Philadelphia, southern Vermont, and Boston as well as our yearly week in northern Vermont.  I also rent a house at the beach for a month in the summer.

Michael and David love going away and if I said lets go somewhere right now, they'd be ready.  


We spent two weekends in New York City in 2013.  The first was Thanksgiving where we fulfilled one of my bucket list items: seeing the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.  It was something I thought would be great but was even more awesome than I expected.  The boys were troopers while we waited in the cold and we all had the most wonderful time.  We got right in front and Michael was high-fiving the clowns as they passed.  Halfway through the parade I started getting texts and a couple of people posted on Facebook that they saw us on TV!  By the second day of the weekend, Michael had the New York subway system down pat.  We stayed at a hotel in Brooklyn that basically had efficiency units (kitchens) and Michael knew which subways to take to get not only into Manhattan, but all over Manhattan.  And they wanted to stay up late in the city that never sleeps.  They took photos with Batman in Times Square at 1am one night!  The following weekend we were back in New York to see Christmas in New York and celebrate Michael's birthday.  It was also the weekend they ate with us at Gemma Restaurant in NoHo.  And we had tea at the Plaza Hotel.  

I always say that if I had money, I'd be dangerous!  We all love to travel and if we could afford it, we'd be away every week!  David and Michael wouldn't mind that at all!

I is for IEP

On Day 9 of the A - Z Challenge I is for IEP

IEP.  Individualized Education Program.  Children with any type of disability must  have an IEP in place.  The IEP list goals, may have accommodations to help the student if necessary, and lists any services needed such as speech or occupational therapy.  Michael and David's early IEP's had accommodations for both occupational and speech therapy.  Goals were set for academic achievements. 

I have heard nightmares from other parents who had to fight to get an IEP in place and basically fought every year when re-evaluations took place.  I can't even relate to them.  We have been so so lucky in this aspect of the educational process.  I have always been active in my children's school, one of the perks of being a stay-at-home mom. During their time in elementary school, I was a PTO member and also helped out during the school day.  The PTO even had a small office in the school.  I was a chaperone on all their school field trips and met quite a few of my sons' classmates.  Now, in their middle school, I work a day a week volunteering in the library.  Twice a year, I work a full-time week helping the librarian with the Scholastic book fair.  I have a friendly relationship with all their teachers which allows me to nip any problems in the bud. The boys love school and learning, and they are polite and considerate people (at least in school they are).  In turn, the teachers all love them.  I have been told on more than one occasion that they are a teacher's dream and they (teachers) wished all their students were like David and Michael.  So when IEP times roll around, I have had nothing but cooperation and assistance for my sons.

David's fourth grade evaluation found him meeting all his academic goals.  He did not need speech therapy and no longer needed occupational therapy.  His NECAP tests revealed almost a perfect score, he only got 3 answers wrong.  He was at the top of his class.  While I was worried about David losing his IEP, his team just could not justify leaving it in place and quite frankly neither could I.  

Michael is now due for his re-evaluation which includes his more comprehensive 3 year review.  There is a possibility that his team as well may want to eliminate the IEP.  We'll see how that plays out in the few weeks as I am not sure all his goals have been met and in all honesty, I believe his IEP should be kept in place for next year.

I have mixed emotions about losing the IEP's.  I feel uncomfortable with the thought of losing that IEP and some of the extra supports that I know are benefitting Michael.  He has extra teacher support which I know is helping him meet his academic goals.  So while he meets his goals with the added support, what will happen if the extra support is taken away?  There are also social issues that remain and even to this date, Michael's speech is still a little garbled although he can be understood.   In addition, once the IEP is taken away, it is nearly impossible to get it back should it become necessary in the future.  

The removal of David's IEP was extremely positive and also a reflection on his academic success.  He doesn't have as many needs as Michael and the loss of the IEP three years ago has not had any negative repercussions in David's middle school career.  He is still excelling both in the standardized tests and in all his classes in school.  If Michael's IEP is removed, it would also be a credit to his academic success, but I feel eliminating it this year may be premature.  Michael tests well and is doing well in his classes, but I believe part of that to be because of the extra concessions and not in spite of them.  I do concede that if it is not removed this year, I'm sure it will only be a short matter of time before his IEP is eliminated.  

So for now we will celebrate the school successes and see what happens with Michael's IEP later this month.

H is for Happy

On Day 8 of the A - Z Challenge, H is for Happy.

David and Michael are happy children, Michael more so as he takes absolutely nothing seriously.  He thinks everything is a joke.  


When I pick up the boys at their bus stop, David is usually smiling, but Michael gets out off the bus with a grin from ear to ear every single day.  


I'm glad they are happy kids, but Michael needs a balance.  Everything is funny even when it's not.  It is an issue we are actively dealing with.  When he does something he shouldn't and we either try to explain or reprimand, he laughs.  If I get frustrated and raise my voice a notch (it's the Italian in me I suppose), he laughs harder.  He doesn't seem to recognize consequences as he is always laughing, and eventually if I get a reaction from him, he'll say "don't worry about it".  

When half his bus was suspended (not him or David) because a boy was waving a used condom around, he got off the bus and was hysterically laughing.  When the house began smelling because there was a dead possum under the deck near a basement window, Michael thought it was hilarious.  When Michael upset his brother so much that David wouldn't talk to him, I tried to explain that he needed to apologize. David puts up with a lot from Michael, yet is always quick to come to Michael's aid when it comes to homework or pretty much anything Michael asks.  I told Michael that eventually, David will get tired of putting up with his joking around and sometimes outright nastiness.   Michael thought it was funny and could not understand why he should apologize. 

Hopefully we will succeed in bringing a balance of happy and a little seriousness and thoughtfulness to Michael.  The social piece of autism can be quite challenging and this is one of the top issues we are currently dealing with. 

G is for Gift

On day 7 of the A - Z Challenge, G is for Gift

When my boys were younger, I always felt I had to explain to people that they were autistic when they weren't behaving.  And in the early years, Michael was really tough.  David had his moments as well, but Michael was a terror.  It wasn't until someone said to me 'Different is a gift' that I began to look at things in a new light.

I started an ebay business when the boys were young as my husband and I felt it was more important for me to be home with them.  I would routinely take them to the post office when I dropped of my orders.  Sometimes Michael would be impatient if we had to stand in line.  One particular day, he was walking around the counter. He wasn't crying or being overly disruptive, just walking around and around the counter which was like an island in the middle of the room.  There were about a half a dozen people in line.  An older woman looked at me and snottily remarked, "what an ill-behaved little boy!"  But that day, I was in no mood.  Instead of meekly apologizing for something that wasn't even apology-worthy, I looked her straight in the eye and retorted, "He's autistic, what's YOUR excuse?" If she had been able, I think she would have crawled under the cabinet.  She was next in line, completed her transaction and hurried out.  A couple of others in line snickered. The postal clerk was a woman I had grown to know and she tried really hard not to laugh out loud.  Michael was only four it was one of the few times he really wasn't acting that badly.  That woman would have had a stroke if she saw him in a full blown meltdown!

We visit upstate NY a couple of times a year and have made some wonderful friends in Sharon Springs and Cooperstown.  During one of the Garden Festivals in Sharon Springs we were speaking with Josh Kilmer-Purcell, one of the Fabulous Beekman Boys.  We were discussing some of the challenges and concerns we had with the boys.  One of things I brought up was how different they were and Josh looked me right in the eye and said, "Different is a gift.  Different is good." And I will never forget that.  I think that conversation actually changed some of my perspective and I cannot thank Josh enough for making me look at things a little more optimistically.  He proceeded to talk with David and Michael about what subjects they liked in school and when he heard that Michael liked maps, he marched us right into the Beekman mansion and showed Michael the old maps of Sharon Springs that were hanging on the living room wall.  They were thrilled (as was I) to get a peek inside Josh's beautiful home!

Josh (Fabulous Beekman Boys), David, Michael & me with the Beekman Mansion in the background.

David and Michael ARE different. And it's good.  They are polite and loving.  They may try my patience, but know how to behave when we are out.  They are little learning sponges.  They don't worry about having the popular sneakers and clothes.  They are probably the only kids in their school without Facebook or a smartphone.  They value family.  They watch out for each other. 

We have learned autism isn't the end of the world.  David and Michael may think and act differently, but maybe Josh was right and it is a gift.  No one is perfect, not even the "normal" kids.  Everyone is a work in progress.  We couldn't love David and Michael any more or be any more proud of their accomplishments.  And we continue to work on the little 'glitches' that need to be fine-tuned...Doesn't everyone?